My First Love

He is a friend from my senior high school. He is kind of a man that I looking for. He is my best friend. He always there whenever and wherever I need him. We always spend our weekends together. We always do the silly things together. Like I am going crazy if I am with him. Until one day I realized that I am in love with him. I do not have any idea why I can fall in love with him. Maybe because he always treat me like I am the only one? I do not know what should I do. I feel different when I am with him.



The way I feel about him is different before I realized that I loved him. I really want to tell him about my feeling for him. But I just can not. It is not right thing. I feel that this feeling is wrong. I can not fall in love with my best friend. I think that he is just not into me. I can see that from his eyes. I thought that he loved my friend. The way he looks at her is different from the way he looks at me. Oh, how jealous I am with her. She just so lucky. Then I got this idea, I want to tell him about my feeling no matter what will happen next. Oh......no, it's not true. I can't lose him like that. Emm....maybe I can tell my friend that I love him and ask her to help me? Absolutely not a good idea. How can I be so stupid like this? How can I know that she will be willing to help me? What if that deep inside her heart she feel the same like the way I do?

I can not lose my mind think about this things called "love". I keep wondering about the possibilities between me and my best friend. Until one day after a long time, I decided something that I do not know I will regret it or not. Before that, I read a book. There was a couple of sentences that make my heart beating. It said "Sometimes the thing you want the most does not happen, and sometimes the thing that you never expected happen to us". Then I realized that maybe he is "The thing that I want the most which is never happen". I let him go, I let him go without knowing the truth about his feeling. His feeling for me either for my friend. I prefer this way because I can not lose both of them. Then I decided to continue my life living with this unfinished love story.